CHARMAINE THENG IS ON EARTH.
Just another WordPress.com weblogi’m so sorry, happy.
you might have only been with me for 7months. but to me, it seems like a long ime already, and i feel like i have this bond with you. i really really love you so much so much. you wait for me outside the shower every single night without fail, and i wake up to find you sleeping outside my room every morning. do you know how happy and touched that can be? in this world, nobody cares about each other. well, at least this care and concern doesn’t happen between humans. nobody waits for me until i come home, nobody waits for me outside the shower, and nobody listens carefully to what i play on the piano. i’m really sorry, i cannot keep you for your entire life. seeing you sleep beside me right now, peacefully, i really have the urge to argue with the devil and make you stay with me. but i know i can’t win her. she’s going to drain me all out. you are the only one who’s happy to see me back home, happy with the little time i spend with you, not blaming me for anything. i’m really sorry for haing brought this upon you. you deserve a much much better owner. i am definitely the worst owner around, worst. i am so so so sorrry, i really love you alot and cannot bear for you to leave me. i really am sorry. i will always miss the days i saw you walking around having nothing to do, and then you decide to stay right beside me and accompany me in everything that i do. i will always remember the times where you didn’t blame me for locking you inside the cage just because mummy wants to. and, i’m soooo sorry for depriving you of your daily walks, cooping you up at home and scolding you for the slightest reasons. i am really sorry, i will love you forevermore. please, stay happy with your new owner alrights…
daily thoughts.
i look at you, you look at me.
we don’t say anything, but we both know what’s going on in each other’s minds. the silence becomes deafening. and suddenly, we all just cry. this is becoming so often these days because of o levels. how hard it’s coming down on us. so scary and heavy, and it’s just so… threatening and intimidating. sometimes, i wish i could just run away from everything in life.
seriously, i don’t know what to do without marilyn. can you imagine life without her? like seriously, recess would be left with me and sebrina, nothing much left to talk about. it would be so weird. what can we say? also, no marilyn, no one to acc me after school. no one to share my problems with, no one to stay with me, wait with me, go recess with me and nobody to care for me. i mean, seriously, look at the rest of unglams. everyone is just so busy about their own lives. celeste, lunching with her classmates every single day it becomes so hard to just eat with her after school. laura, i guess i don’t need to state the reason anymore. sebrina, it’s just….. nothing much we can share about. i’m already stressed up. how am i going to live on with daddy and marilyn gone? both of them leaving me, no daddy means more mummy. it sucks, seriously. all the pressure building up in me during my o’s. threatening me with my happy. i hate it. seriously, i can do without such a mother.
laura says: we cannot cry on the day we’re sending marilyn off. oh, well, easy for you to say huh. easy for all of you to say, but not me, definitely. oh,fish.
how i wish three wishes could be given to me right now:
daddy stays,
marilyn stays,
and mummy change.
is it so hard? 
STUDY GROUPS.
hello, just wanna invite everyone to study grouping at my house every sunday or saturday. it will be from about 1p.m to 8p.m. it is to prevent mummy hurting happy and to prevent mummy nagging and to allow me to study/do my work. people who come must be people who are willing to study and not play. bring only work and nothing else. also, must be disciplined enough not to play with happy and study together. let’s chiong together for olevels!!!! reply me asap. at 83222854. just message. please, 
sigh.
studying now at e-hub with sandyy. doubt i’m really concentrating because of a stupid fight i had with my mother. she cancelled scv, and maybe, my phone line. i freaking hate her. hate her to the max sia. so freaking irritating. sosososo irritating. so irritating. disline her, hate her to the core. hate her so much man. don’t know why daddy just doesn’t want to divorce her. don’t like her sia……. sadded. comfort me please.
another matter: a desire to win can kill. is winning that important? what if you win and you don’t get anything in return? what’s the point then? don’t you agree? isn’t it pointless to keep wanting to win even when you know you’re going to make everyone unhappy about it. please, stop having that desire. it’s good, but relax. you’re only 16, my dear….
ohh my gawd. LOLS//
i’ve been found out. lols. guess it was a good thing after all. but however, there’s some other worser things going on in my fishing life. my best friend’s leaving.. marilyn’s leaving.. it’s really painful you know, seriously. the four years of friendship, the days we spent meeting each other every single day of weeks, and bringing her to church, seeing her change. knowing the news was like opening the flesh of my heart. then i remembered a compo i wrote about before, ‘saying goodbye’. no doubt it would be a good thing for her maybe, to start a new life afresh. however, it still does hurt. kind of pain, definitely i will miss her alot. muchmuch more than anybody else. she’s the closest to me, and it’s really hard. her no-temper temper, her wonderfulness as a friend, understanding my problems, listening to me, everything a true friend would. i’d miss her crazy. i love you, mar.
‘ll miss you till i die.
being misunderstood is the worst.
i’m so glad that nobody knows of this blog cos i really am upset now, and i dont want anybody in this world to know why. this is because, i’ve been misunderstood to be of the same kind as my beloved friends. no doubt i love being with them and am really happy when i’m with them, but i’ve checked myself over and over again, and am very sure that i’m kind of, straight. i still do dream about guys and really do think of the very one guy that i like. however, they classify me as one of them. worst thing is, one of them told another that she’s extremely irritated with me for covering up for myself and telling them that i’m confused about my sexuality when i’m actually gay. i’m not. do you see the reason why i chose not to let any of them know about the fact that i feel that i’m straight??! i really do feel disgusted by the fact that they want everybody to be like them. i do not. i like myself for who am i, for liking guys. but why on earth do they have to say that i’m one of them. someone else pisses me off even more, telling me that she likes me because i got along very well with her when all the topics i’ve ever discussed with her were badmouthing some other girl who bitched about us like mad. and, for goodness sake, it was only 2days we even got along that well. i hate it when people assume about me. it really do hurts, when they shoot their mouths out without even getting facts right. cutting short hair, and dressing like an andro doesn’t make you one. so for goodness sake, M, will you please stop all your disgusting acts? and who in the world don’t know that you were so crazy over guys? changing within a few months is kind of, impossible when you have been so into guys, making them your life once. it disgusts me alright. if deep dwn in your heart, you’re straight, please don’t act like one just to let yourself get accepted. it will only make people feel more irritated with you. i’ll never treat you like a friend again okay, trust me for that. also, to the rest, don’t assume, please. and don’t say you want to hit me just because you think i’m gay and just because you think i’m trying so hard to tell myself i’m straight. cos i know myself that i’m straight. but oh for goodness sake, how am i going to tell you that? cos you’ll think it’s fake and wanna hit me all over again. was it really a right decision to even try to make friends with all of you? just to let you guys know that i’m alright having friends like that? just because i wanted to let you know that you’re not abnormal? then. shit man.
hurt deep inside.
words. words. words.
it’s only words,
and words are all i have
to take your heart away….
these terrible, scary little words can hurt someone deeply. and with mine, i’ve just hurt somebody i love with all my heart and soul. it’s so scary, you know.. until i just wish one day, i could just keep quiet. but, oh. that’s not possible. lols,
omgomgomg, ytd i dreamed again! i dreamed i was making an incredible tale film, in a uluu orphanage where everyone just gets killed on the way there…. hahah, wondering aloud:” why is it that i have so many dreams these days? some are mking me laugh so badly!!!” ahahahh! i always imagined myself waking up, staring straight into a face i don’t know of. then i would scream so crazily. haha, but it never happened.
Happy is now sitting right below me, sleeping, under the cold air coming out form the air-con. thank god mum’s not around, or else the machine in her is going to start again. hahaa. why must Happy be here? cos…. daddy’s having a meeting outside with his sisters. lols, bet it’s gonna fail again, although i hope not this time… cos both me and Happy really need the money. LOLS.!
<3 everyone!!! :]
WEIRD DREAMS.
had very weird dreams the past few days.
what is this supposed to mean? lols,
first, i dreamed that mm lee passed away. i cired badly. i don’t know why, but it was linked to the numbers 7000012. so what, is he going to die on the 7/12, or july 2010? lols,
then, just ytd, i dreamed that ling feng and me were together. weird, but yes, and it was so true. cos we were about to go to some concert with celeste they all, when he went missing! i got so flustered i cried like crazy, then he appeared. omg, i like him even more now…. lols,
okay, and i’m kind of irritated. cos Happy still isn’t toilet-trained. i’m sad. the newspaper was just right in front of him, but he couldn’t go over and pee or shit. =.=” and to think, we thought we were on our way to success just this afternoon. fish.
charmaine.
BYE! :]
tommorrow shall be a better day.
had ptm today. stupid speech by dr ong and whatever. it was okay. mrs tan didn’t badmouth me as much as i expected. she only said, “charmaine is very, incredibly chatty. she also sometimes don’t do her homework. sometimes, this behaviour of hers might disturb the class” oh wow.
tommorrow going out and around then to celeste’s competition. i’m going to charge my camera for that man. she is going to be so honoured. lols, so i’m thinking now, what to wear. cos i’m not sure how big the event is going to be.. hah! wish her all the best man.
anyways. i failed geog. all over again and again. i don’t know why, i’m starting to regret taking this whole stupid subject . i cannot blame anyone. never the teacher in this case. so i just hate myself for being so stupid? haha, so i failed geog, got a2s for my languages and one just a1 poa. oh my goodygod. what has happened?! all my results suck to the max man. oh gosh. help me.
BUYBUY.
charmaine.
ERYo.
woohoo. people.
had a weird week last week. wird internet connection that broke down for no reason. and things that made me so angry i almost cried. or in fact, i cried. erms. first up is my mathematics results. whatever the reason, i can’t seem to understand this new topic and the test that i had made me so crazy i almost went into imh. well, i got 7/20. mrstan then said she wanted those wo failed to have a retest so we could all at least pass. ya, right. so when she was going through, i tried my veryvery best to understand whatever aliens she was talking about. i couldn’t. i asked, she ignored. then during the test, i did 2 questions only. what happened? she came to me,
“girl, this test’s questions are very straightforward, you should be able to know if you had listened just now. i made this test so simple so you people can pass you know.”
so, what does this mean? that i’m dumb? i’m stupid? or i’m just plain useless? whatever it meant, i was hurt.
so much for i love maths.
THEN, on the same day, we went to tpjc. for some humanities exhibitions. quite fun, not as boring i thought it would be, ahha. and then, at night, celeste asked me out for no reason. i mean, really no reason. so… i walked with her at tm till all the shops closed, then we went to 201′s mac and talked till almost midnight. then we went home. meaningless uh. haha.
okay. bye people.
